Dear Edmonton Driver:


This morning, about twenty to eight, you were toward the end of a long line of cars waiting to turn right, but we were all stopped because our free-flowing turn lane was half filled with snow.

Mind you, it really was half-filled with snow, and not just an inch or so of accumulation. The snowplow only plowed half of it, so there is a two-foot wall of hard-packed snow blocking the lane for the first few hundred feet after the turn.

You honked. Despite the fact that at least six cars in front of you were patiently (and quietly) waiting until the car in front felt safe enough to pull out, you honked.

Here’s what you need to realize: the guy in front of you has no obligation to take risks — put himself in danger — just because you are five minutes late to work.

I wanted so badly to unroll my window and thrust my arm out as far as it could go to let you know what I think of you.

But I’ve kind of made myself a promise to try to live an authentic and wholehearted life, so I didn’t.

Instead, I’m writing this letter, and trying to follow Brené’s advice and be vulnerable.

Here goes.

Please stop. Because I’m making up this story about what’s happening right now, and it’s that you don’t care if I’m terrified of your aggression or feel safe on the road. I’m supposed to love you, but I’m in fear right now.


Wholehearted Katrina
(who, if she is being authentic, is sometimes a little snarky)

P.S. Just for the record — and I’m fairly certain this explanation breaks the #1 Guidepost and is shame and the fear of shame speaking — I was not the stopped driver. I was probably four cars back.

P.P.S. I wonder how a truly wholehearted person (aka: not imperfect Katrina) is supposed to deal with socioapaths? Brené?


2 Responses to “Dear Edmonton Driver:”

  1. Laura Says:

    Someone who honks his horn is not a sociopath, he’s just a jerk. You have got to stop taking every road event so personally, for your sake and the sakes of your children. Let Buddy on the horn be the one who gets the ulcer and high blood pressure and just let it go a bit. You live in the city, shit’s gonna happen. It’s nothing personal. I promise.

    • katrinastonoff Says:

      Actually, this post was really supposed to be a joke on me. About how I made this decision to live wholeheartedly, and the very next day found myself fighting the urge to bird at a rude driver.

      Nor was that second postscript about this particular driver necessarily. The incident just made me wonder how a wholehearted person is suppose to deal, say, with an abusive spouse or a sociopath. Some people aren’t worth being vulnerable for.

      However, if a sociopath is someone who doesn’t care about other people, I think I can argue that that’s exactly what the jerk on the horn was demonstrating. Think about it: he’s seventh or eighth in line. How is his horn honk not a “Get the F&%$ outta my way!”? He obviously hasn’t put one second of thought into why the cars are all stopped, or he’d have realized that unless the reason was obvious and a safety issue, Car #2 and Car #3 would have honked.

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