Naked in Public

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Got your attention! But no, I’m not going to talk about exhibitionism, just that famous dream.

See, I had my first ever naked-in-public dream last night. All my life, I’ve heard about those dreams, and I’ve felt cheated because I’ve never had one.

I have other dreams: I dream I’m unprepared. I know — scary, huh! Except it’s a horrible dream.

When I was teaching, I’d be standing at the front of a classroom as the bell rang, and I’d suddenly realize I didn’t have a lesson plan, or any way to occupy thirty teenagers for an hour. It was a ridiculous dream — I taught English. You can always just have them read the next story in the book, or write a paper. But in the dream, I had nothing to keep them from making mischief on me for an hour (read: keep the hooligans under control).

Now when I have that dream, it’s opening night and I’m onstage waiting for the lights to come on when I realize I don’t even know what play we’re doing. Or I’m sitting at the organ as people arrive at church and realize I’ve not only failed to bring any music — I don’t have my glasses, so I can’t even see the hymnal.

But last night? I wasn’t unprepared. I was naked.

Stark naked. And walking across campus.

At first it was night-time, so it wasn’t too bad, and I thought I’d just make sure I was home before the sun rose. Only I didn’t make it.

Next thing I knew, it was full daylight. I figured I’d just run home fast as I could, but …

No. Just … no. Girls who are built like me do NOT run without a high-quality sports bra. But I could walk really fast.

Except there were SO many people there. Kinda surprising for dawn on a college campus. Just my luck. I was threading my way through crowds. Sparse crowds, yes, but still crowds. There was no way to hurry.

I finally just brazened it out. I put on a cardigan I had with me, but I didn’t even try to pull it across my front. I just left it draping open and walked normally, as if I didn’t notice I was displaying the girls for all to see.

And the funniest thing happened … not much at all. Most people brushed by me without appearing to notice. A few people did a double-take, but that was it. Almost nobody stared, much less giggled or pointed.

I was almost at the door to my building when a man finally made some remark. It wasn’t much, just something like, “Nice!”

I threw a retort over my shoulder, something about how sad it was that he apparently didn’t get much female nudity if he thought this was a big deal. And I went inside.

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13 Responses to “Naked in Public”

  1. Meredith Says:

    There’s a lesson in that, somewhere.

  2. Paul Crowner Says:

    Kristina,

    I can relate to having nothing in the classroom, but as to the other nothing, yet to happen. By the way, we’re in Hawaii for three weeks, can’t relate to the snow right now either.

    Paul and Corrine

  3. Paul Crowner Says:

    Oops,

    Katrina, didn’t recognize you on campus, thought your were Kristina, both look alike in the flesh.

    Paul

  4. Addofio Says:

    I’ve dreamed that I was back teaching high school, first day of school, unprepared, AND naked (or, like you, nearly so.) In fact, I used to have this dream in the week or so before school started almost every year. Haven’t had it for years now, though. Thank God. I was never able to happily brazen it out–sometimes I’d just endure, and sometimes my discomfort would wake me up.

  5. Addofio Says:

    PS. I’m really glad to have you back blogging regularly. I missed you during the hiatus. I’m hoping your return means things are going better for you and yours.

  6. Mom Says:

    This is so funny – still laughing! I’ve had a few of those dreams, though I can’t remember anyone complimenting me. haha…. even when I was younger (I’m sure they wouldn’t NOW!).

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