Got your attention! But no, I’m not going to talk about exhibitionism, just that famous dream.
See, I had my first ever naked-in-public dream last night. All my life, I’ve heard about those dreams, and I’ve felt cheated because I’ve never had one.
I have other dreams: I dream I’m unprepared. I know — scary, huh! Except it’s a horrible dream.
When I was teaching, I’d be standing at the front of a classroom as the bell rang, and I’d suddenly realize I didn’t have a lesson plan, or any way to occupy thirty teenagers for an hour. It was a ridiculous dream — I taught English. You can always just have them read the next story in the book, or write a paper. But in the dream, I had nothing to keep them from making mischief on me for an hour (read: keep the hooligans under control).
Now when I have that dream, it’s opening night and I’m onstage waiting for the lights to come on when I realize I don’t even know what play we’re doing. Or I’m sitting at the organ as people arrive at church and realize I’ve not only failed to bring any music — I don’t have my glasses, so I can’t even see the hymnal.
But last night? I wasn’t unprepared. I was naked.
Stark naked. And walking across campus.
At first it was night-time, so it wasn’t too bad, and I thought I’d just make sure I was home before the sun rose. Only I didn’t make it.
Next thing I knew, it was full daylight. I figured I’d just run home fast as I could, but …
No. Just … no. Girls who are built like me do NOT run without a high-quality sports bra. But I could walk really fast.
Except there were SO many people there. Kinda surprising for dawn on a college campus. Just my luck. I was threading my way through crowds. Sparse crowds, yes, but still crowds. There was no way to hurry.
I finally just brazened it out. I put on a cardigan I had with me, but I didn’t even try to pull it across my front. I just left it draping open and walked normally, as if I didn’t notice I was displaying the girls for all to see.
And the funniest thing happened … not much at all. Most people brushed by me without appearing to notice. A few people did a double-take, but that was it. Almost nobody stared, much less giggled or pointed.
I was almost at the door to my building when a man finally made some remark. It wasn’t much, just something like, “Nice!”
I threw a retort over my shoulder, something about how sad it was that he apparently didn’t get much female nudity if he thought this was a big deal. And I went inside.
Tags: Naked in public