Dear Canadian Bank,
OK, I give up. Uncle, already! Uncle!! I accept that you will not lend me money, not even $500 that I give you for a secured credit card, money you then loan back to me in small increments (with interest, of course, at credit card rates).
I do understand that I look like a credit risk, given my current status as a “temporary worker” and my work permit that expires in April. I do realize it can be difficult (if not impossible) to collect from people who leave the country permanently.
Ummm … except … we’re not planning to leave. And you must know that since you just loaned us a crazy amount of money on a thirty-year mortgage.
But whatever. I do understand that since I don’t work, I obviously have no access to funds to repay you, not even access to the five hundred dollars I would have given you so you could loan it back to me in small increments (with interest, of course, at credit card rates). I do understand.
No, wait! You know what? I don’t understand that. First, how could I give you five hundred dollars if I have no access to funds? Second, how can it be anything but a win for you to hold five hundred of my dollars and then charge me to use them??? Why would anyone refuse to do that? No, I don’t understand that at all.
Here are some other things I don’t understand.
I don’t understand why — since my sterling credit in the United States has no value here — you had to have our US credit reports before you’d loan us money for a house. I mean … the credit doesn’t transfer, right? That’s what you keep telling me.
I don’t understand why you refuse to loan money to *me* because my legal status is “Temporary Worker,” but you’re happy to give a credit card to my husband — whose legal status is exactly the same.
And I certainly do not understand why you are willing to loan us tens of thousands of dollars to buy a brand new vehicle, on a seven- or eight-year loan, but you’re not willing to loan us money to buy a much more moderately priced used vehicle. A vehicle for which we were paying more than a third of the purchase price out of pocket.
But yanno? There’s apparently something here that you do not understand. We had to have a vehicle. My husband’s truck — the truck he drove all winter to work – died at the beginning of the summer. So one way or another, we were going to replace that truck. Whether or not you benefitted from it.
Apparently you also don’t understand some basic principles about banking.
I know, I know. You earn a crazy amount of money by
extorting fines charging fees every time we deposit, withdraw, wire money, or pee — and an extra sum once a month, just for fun. But here’s the thing — you could earn a lot more if you acted as a bank instead of just a money storage service, for which you charge fees.
Banks, as opposed to money storage firms, earn their money by charging interest. And interest is far more lucrative than fees, no matter how draconian your fees may be. And you could have earned interest on the money you loaned us to buy the car.
I know, shocking concept, eh?
But we did, and we got the vehicle. It’s going to be tight for a month or so, but after that, we’ll be celebrating every single month that we don’t have to give you more money.
Here’s the last, sad fact you apparently don’t understand. In addition to collecting interest on the money you loaned to us, you could have also loaned out the money we had in our accounts, and collected interest from other people as well.
Interest. Much more lucrative than
So … enjoy those fees. We’re going to enjoy not paying you interest for the next three years.
Your less-than-satisfied customer
P.S. I understand that your competitor offers a Visa debit card. That would so fill my need for a card I can use for internet purchases. Soon I may not be paying you anything at all, not even fees.