iPhone Makeover!

I’m a sucker for those makeover shots. You know the ones: before and after pictures where “Before” looks like she went on a bender after 72 hours of second stage labor, and “After” is a Glamor Shot? Well, I offer Stone Soup’s version: iPhone Makeover!

First, meet our Makeover Model. Katrina is a 47-year-old, stay-at-home mom (actually she writes women’s fiction, but usually we don’t say that until the “After” portion because she sounds more pathetic this way). She likes reading, long-haired miniature Dachshunds, and quilting, but most of all, she likes playing with her kids!!!!! (The exclamation points are hers, honest. Pinky swear. I tried talking her out of them, but she just wouldn’t listen. Clearly the woman has no taste, but hopefully we can change that with our professional makeover team.)

As you can see, she has an OK-nothing-great haircut and very little makeup (we did our dangest to get her to leave off the makeup and earrings entirely, and let us photograph her under florescent light wearing nothing by a white towel we skanked from the Holiday Inn, but she said, “No way! Not on your chinny, chinny chin!”). Before the makeover, the woman can’t even drink a cappuchino at Starbucks without getting foam on her face. Truly, Katrina needs help.

Come on, Makeover Artists!

Our Makeover Artists today are Andrew* and Matt*, both from the Pioneer Place Apple Store in Portland, Oregon. Andrew is 22. He’s been a specialist at Apple for 18 months, but he’s been playing with their products since he was a 2-year-old banging on his parent’s 512K Macintosh (upgraded from the original 128K in the gray plastic box with all the signatures hidden inside). This makeover is Andrew’s final test before given the coveted title of Apple Genius. After plying Katrina with the best graphic interface tips, he plans to get into the line for his own iPhone Makeover! Matt is 18, and he was hired last week, just for our special Makeover Weekend, but he’s practically evangelistic for the new soundwave beauty therapies and thumb exercises offered by Apple’s newest product.

Andrew and Matt worked on Katrina for five hours. Well, Matt worked on her for five hours while she stood in line. Once she was deemed fit to enter the doors, he turned her over to Matt who established her with the state-of-art equipment that would give her a whole new image.

Ready for the unveiling?! TADA!!!!

THANK … THANK … OK, you can hold down the applause now. OK? OK! Thank you, thank you. Doesn’t she look just absolutely FABOO?

Hand the woman an iPhone, and voila! She’s lost 40 pounds, gotten a sassy new haircut with a sexy silver frost that mrowls, “Underestimate me at your peril, baby!” Her makeup is tastefully modern (lipstick included — this is NO soccer Mom, people!). Look at her! This is a woman who can write a bestselling novel with her eyes closed! And … AND … wait, wait just a minute, hold your applause, please.

Please, people! We’re not done!

OK, thank you. Ready?

She doesn’t have a scrap of food on her face!

*Ahem. You do know this is fiction, right? Andrew’s name is correct, and the fact that he planned to get into that line as soon as he got off work at 4:30, but the rest is fiction. With Matt … heck, everything about Matt is fictional. After five hours in line, this reporter couldn’t even remember her own name, much less his. Why else would she call herself “this reporter”?