As you know, my cell phone is crippled. I can still use it via voice-activated Bluetooth, but I either have to know the number by heart or have it programmed in. Yesterday I needed to call my sister, and fortunately, her cell number is in the phone.
I pushed the button on the Bluetooth. “Please say a command,” the computer voice said.
“Call Someone,” I said.
“Please say a name.”
That’s when it got a little sticky. See, I goofed up when I tried to enter her name way back when, so she is listed as “Pp.” Yes, “Pp.” That is my beloved sister.
The computer in my cell phone is a bit impatient. While I pondered, she said again, a little more emphatically, “Please! Say a name already!”
What the heck? It’s not like I had a choice. “Pp,” I said. This is not to be confused with “pee-pee,” which the computer would not have recognized as “Pp.” What I actually said was, “Pp,” which sounds like two little puffs of air released from between pursed lips. Or perhaps two quick sighs of frustration from someone about to flay the hide from a U.S. Cellular salesclerk who assured her that this cell phone (unlike the previous two) wouldn’t break.
I held my breath. If the phone recognized “Pp” as “Sparky’s cell phone,” it would say, “Calling,” and soon I’d be talking to my sister. If not, it would arbitrarily start choosing names from my list and say things like, “Call Pete’s Pizza Parlour?” or “Call Pregnant Pattie’s Pastaria” until finally it hung up on me in disgust as I said, “No,” “No,” and “No.”
I heard the tone that signifies the computer about to grace me with her voice. “Did you say … ?”
She didn’t say a name at all. I tried to remember if I’d saved a number with no name, but I was pretty sure the phone won’t let me do that. She repeated, “Did you say … ?”
With a daring leap of faith, I gulped and said, “Yes!”
“Calling,” she said.
I began to pray she really was calling my sister. I didn’t care to explain why I’d called Pregnant Pattie.
Then, *click* “Hello?” my sister said.
Hurrah! I had a lovely conversation with my sister. And I spent the afternoon feeling superior because *I* can pronounce the name “Pp” and my smug, perky-voiced Bluetooth cannot.
Edited to replace excess backstory with humor.
Tags: Bluetooth, Cell Phones
June 4, 2008 at 3:42 am |
This reminds me so much of the commercial that was playing on TV for some company – where this guy had to call somewhere and he was riding on a busy bus when they asked him his password and he just kept hollering “Big Boy” into the phone and people were looking at him all funny. That’s the picture I got in my head when you were explaining Pp! LOL What a pain that must be though with that phone! UGH!
June 4, 2008 at 1:49 pm |
(said sarcastically) Doesn’t technology make our lives easier?
June 4, 2008 at 6:20 pm |
Oh gee, weary -butted me just decided to pop by, and this post was delightful and hilarious. Great short story too. Just what i needed.