When I told you about the rat-snake-fink who broke into my car in Portland, I listed some of the things the #%$@& took, including my makeup.
What I didn’t mention was what a disaster that was. I mean, come on! I was at a professional level workshop, with 28 peers, a handful of the Greatest Editing Brains in History*, and one man who has the power to hand me my lifelong dream between a front cover and a back.**
Under those circumstances, a girl really needs to put her best face forward.
Unfortunately, my best face was in the grubby hands of a man in his late 30s/early 40s, approximately 5′9″, average build, light brown hair and mustache, who wears old MASH T-shirts.*** Like my best face is going to do him any good.
I did have a really nice mineral foundation and navy eyeliner in the one bag I carried in, but that was it. And eyeliner without shadow and makeup? Looks a little bit like strapping crampons onto bare feet.
Enter my personal super hero: Karen Shoddy, Mary Kay Director Extraordinaire! Karen put together an emergency kit, and leap-frogged it down I-5 to Portland (Karen drove to Woodland, where my sister met her; my sister went home and gave the package to her husband, who met me at the freeway exit on his way to work).
So I only had to spend one day clomping around in bare feet and crampons, which is good because the hotel staff was a bit annoyed at how the points kept ripping up pieces of the carpet. Personally, I thought the carpet looked really nice after the crampons made it fluffier, but I guess the hotel manager is more into sleek.
Today I talked with Karen on the phone, and she said she called the hotel at one point, and the receptionist said, “Oh, she’s standing right here at the desk, talking to the p …” She bit it off.
Karen laughed, “I know she’s talking to the police. But thanks for protecting her reputation.”
Ha! As if I have a reputation to protect.
*Why, yes, I am sucking up. What’s your point? And it doesn’t count as brown-nosing if it’s true, which it is.
**OK, I’ll admit *I* have the real power here. All I have to do is learn how to be funny, rewrite the whole damn book until everyone who reads it clutches their gut from laughing so hard, and send it to him. No sweat! Pardon me while I dry out my armpits.
***If you know someone like this, and he’s got a turquoise-colored iPod with my name engraved on it? Do let me know. I’ve got something for him.
March 29, 2008 at 4:04 pm |
Is that ’something’ you have for him a knuckle-sandwich?
I hear you, though. I had just bought a new Max blush ($28!!) when my purse was stolen a few years ago. It’s crushing. I’m glad you found a new face.
PS. The ‘crampons in bare feet’ made me choke on my coffee a little bit. Too funny.
March 29, 2008 at 4:44 pm |
Okay, so I’ve been MIA and am just getting caught up, so I wanted to tell you how sorry I am that that happened! That’s awful.
On a better note, one of my favorite eyeliners happens to be Mary Kay, it goes on very smoothly.