Suppository Popsicle, Anyone?
Mars and I are on a diet. Yeah, yeah, I know. Everybody in the country is on a diet this month. So we’re nothing special.
But if I’m going to avoid the dreaded Adult-Onset Big D, it’s high time I changed the way I eat, and my sweet husband has joined me (probably for similar reasons). We’re following Victoria Johnson’s Quick Start Energy Program. She’s a celebrity trainer who made a step aerobics video a number of years ago that I found fun to do (FUN!!), so when I learned she had designed a diet specifically for people with “insulin resistance,” I was all over it.
So far, it’s going well. I’m not ravenous, or even hungry because the food is very high fiber and filling. And I feel much more healthy already. But that’s not what this post is about.
It’s about popsicles. See, Victoria knows we love treats, so she plans for them, but she insists you find the fat-free, sugar-free versions. I have yet to find a frozen yogurt outside of TCBY that fits her guidelines, but I’m doing OK.
Apparently Mars is not, however, because he came home the other night with fat-free, sugar-free popsicles.
What’s in a fat-free, sugar-free popsicle, you might ask, and indeed, that’s what he walked in talking about.
“I couldn’t help wondering what was in them,” he said. “You’re never going to believe it.”
“Water?” I guessed. “Artificial sweetener? Lots of chemicals?”
“At least one of the chemicals is familiar,” he said. “But not exactly as food.”
“Citric acid?” I guessed again.
“Nope.” He shook his head. “Glycerin.”
“Glycerin?” My face crinkled up. “Yuk! That’s like … like licking a … “
“Yes. Like licking a suppository.” He nodded solemnly. “I think we should call them Suppopsicles. Either that or Popsitories.”
Ya know what? They’re not bad.
ETA: If you see Google Ads at the top of this post, please know I did not request them and do not want them. Please do not encourage the monster by clicking on the ads, no matter how badly you may suffer from Irritable Bowel Syndrome. And thanks for popping in! The good news, they tell me, is that if you return regularly, the ads magically disappear.
January 12, 2008 at 9:16 pm
Also the primary ingredient in “flameless” cigarettes and hookah tobacco that makes them so very richly smokey.
So now you know.
January 13, 2008 at 10:18 am
do you have a schwann’s guy? if so their guiltfree, sugarfree, fatfree fudgescicles are to die for!
January 13, 2008 at 7:50 pm
I’ve had to live on fat-free foods the last three and a half years…some of the ingredients are interesting. Some of the things definitely don’t taste the same as the “real mccoy” but you do get used to them eventually and they aren’t that bad.
The only real “fat-free” thing that I thought tasted terrible…was when I switched from International Delight French Vanilla coffee creamer to their fat free version….BLECK!!!! I gave it up and switched to just putting some Splenda in my coffee instead.
And jayedeeq is right…Schwans does have some pretty good fatfree fudgescicles. They also have some really excellent fruit bars that are fat free (blueberry is my FAVORITE). Also…my hubby (who just actually happens to be a Schwan man - LOL) told me that they also have a new product…a vanilla ice cream that is fat free and sugar free that tastes good! I haven’t checked that out yet…but I will be soon! In the mean time I have this unhealthy obsession with their lowfat frozen yogurts.
January 14, 2008 at 12:22 pm
I can’t believe you hadn’t ALREADY checked with Schwan, since I know you buy from them all the time!!! When we were coming back from WA last summer, diabetic Dad and diabetic I were so hungry for an ice cream-type confection, I hunted in the grocery store and found: Blue Bunny “HealthSmart” (fat free/no sugar added) bars. I LOVE the Orange Creme (reminds me of Dreamsycles; and of course Dad who loves berries, gets to “choose” the Raspberry Creme Bars.” .. but yes, the 7th ingredient is Glycerine! but 8th in the Raspberry. Oh, welll …. At least we can once in a while enjoy a normal “no-no.”
January 16, 2008 at 12:31 pm
You guys are amazing! How the heck do you know all this?
Mer: I have to ask. WHAT is a flameless cigarette? I’ve never heard of it, and all I can picture are those candy cigarettes we waved around as children, pretending to sophisticated (well, not us; our parents wouldn’t let us have them). Um … and while you’re at it? Tell me what hookah tobacco is too.
Jayedee: I didn’t know about the fudgesicles. Thanks! I buy from Schwan’s all the time (though I’m having to switch from Desserts for One and Autumn Treat Ice cream — yum, yum, yum! — to mesquite-flavored fish and Mixed Berries, but it’s all good).
Becki: no wonder you’re losing weight/having trouble gaining! We did FF-vegetarian a few years ago, and I remember that I got used to things like FF mayo (yuk–this time I’m doing whole-grain mustard instead) and cream cheese (not too bad, but you can’t cook with it). I’ve tasted the Schwan’s strawberry dessert, and it’s not bad, but I didn’t know about the vanilla ice cream. I’ll have to try it. And maybe the fruit bars too — they sound fabulous, but I also have to watch the sugar (I’m a big fan of Splenda).
Mom: I thought I *did* check with Schwans, but apparently I missed some items. I’ll look for Blue Bunny. I’ve checked a few times and found nothing, but it helps if I know a specific brand. BTW, in the future? TCBY has (used to have anyway) a FF, sugar-free yogurt that is delicious. And Cold Stone Creamery has a FF, sugar-free ice cream that is awesome (though, IMO, they need more sugar-free syrups to mix in).
January 16, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Ok. Phillip Morris introduced a new sort of cigarette a few years ago. It consisted of a filter, a little tiny bit of specially-treated tobacco, and a little plastic cinder on the end, all wrapped up in cigarette-like paper. The name started with an E, so I’ll call them Eclipse cigarettes because I cannot for the life of me remember the name. when you lit them, the bit on the business end would glow hot for about 5 minutes, turning grey as it burned out, but the cigarette would never burn down. The heat from the cinder would heat up the tobacco inside, imparting a little nicotine and some tobacco flavor, and it would vaporize glycerine in the tobacco, giving the smoker something with substance to puff.
I personally have mixed feelings about these smokes. They didn’t taste particularly great, but they were good enough. (I was a beta-tester. They sent me a few cartons, I smoked them, then ranked my satisfaction on a scale of 1 through 5, like ya do.) They do create a lot more solid waste than regular cigarettes, too. BUT. These things didn’t burn the tobacco, and inhaling the smoke of burning tobacco is the most unhealthy way to consume tobacco, so these things really seriously were way way less bad for you than regular smokes. There is such thing as a safer cigarette.
A hookah is a tall, middle-eastern water pipe. They’re distinguished by the long flexible hoses that connect the mouthpiece to the pipe proper. In The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi, you can see Jabba the Hutt smoking one in his den. They’re fairly common in cafe’s throughout the middle east, and hookah bars are experiencing an extended fad hipness in the US.
Hookah tobacco is called “shisha”, and is made up of fairly chunky bits of tobacco saturated with sweet sticky stuff. As I understand it, traditionally, the primary ingredient of the sticky stuff was honey, but modern shisha is made with glycerin, because it simply produces a superior smoke. The way it works, there’s a cup at the top of the hookah that you fill with shisha. On top of that, you put a screen, and on top of that you put a charcoal cinder. The cinder heats the shisha and vaporizes the sticky stuff and heats the tobacco, but it doesn’t burn the shisha (ideally). You puff the vapor through a big water reservoir, and enjoy.
Ideally, smoking a hookah is supposed to be cooling and relaxing (it was invented in the desert, after all. People often add ice to the hookah water to enhance the cooling effect). Shisha comes in a huge variety of sweet fruit flavors, and really is less a way to smoke than it is to enjoy tasting a sweet treat. Often, you’ll hear hookah fans describe it in terms Americans might be more likely to associate with an after dinner apertif: sipping, tasting, palette notes, mouth feel.
January 21, 2008 at 7:01 pm
So .. what I don’t get is … why didn’t the smokeless cigarette fly? If they were a safer cigarette?
I knew what a hookah is (Hey, I read Alice in Wonderland), but I had no idea you could get sticky tobacco for it. If I was ever going to do tobacco though, that sounds like my delivery method: cold, sweet, fruity AND romanticized.
January 21, 2008 at 9:36 pm
They didn’t fly because they kinda sucked. They didn’t taste quite right, and they had little body or bite and virtually no nicotine. On a personal level, they’re a pain in the neck because they fill up your ashtray really fast. It’s just not a cigarette. They would have been better for quitting a cigarette habit than as a cigarette substitute, but lousy for beating a nicotine addiction.
Check around for a hookah bar if you wanna try it, and your in the mood to scandalize… someone. Could be fun! Or maybe over the summer I’ll take you, huh?